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This article will examine the importance of managing anger in the workplace and some common anger triggers. We will also learn how to repair the damage done to others if you do blow your top, despite your best prevention efforts.

When Anger Arises, What Should You Do?

According to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger, the three main approaches to dealing with anger are “expressing, suppressing, and calming.”

Expressing your anger
If you can express your anger in a way that lets others clearly know your needs and how to have them met, without being disrespectful or aggressive, this can dissipate anger in a positive way.

Don’t suppress anger
Many of us suppress anger—hold it in and try not to think about it. This is not the best approach because suppressed anger turned inward can cause physical problems for you like high blood pressure or depression. And, if the anger does come out later anyway, it may have festered and grown, creating an even bigger outburst.

Unexpressed anger is the most dangerous response to anger. According to Dr. Spielberger, this can lead to “passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile.” You can spot co-workers who haven’t learned how to properly express their anger. They put others down and criticize everything most of the time.

Take steps to calm yourself
This is a helpful strategy, and it is a particularly good idea to do before expressing your anger. Get to a quiet place, slow your breathing, and focus on your heart and think about it beating at a slower rate.

Learn to choose different thoughts
This strategy is a powerful one. For example, suppose you are in heavy traffic, driving your child to school. You are paying attention and are a little tense because it is raining and not all the drivers are obeying all the traffic rules. All of a sudden, a car zips up from behind you and then cuts in front of you so quickly and closely that you have to slam on the brakes. You are really angry now because the safety of you and your child has been threatened. You watch as this stealth car continues its dangerous, fast weaving through the traffic in front of you while you seethe with anger.

Recognize that your anger is harming only you and your child who is picking up on it. The stealth car is long gone. How can you dissipate this anger so it doesn’t dominate you for the rest of your commute and your day? The thought you have is that the driver is a complete selfish jerk who threatened the safety of you and your child just to get to work early or maybe just because he’s a show-off who doesn’t care about anyone. Notice how you actually have no idea what the truth is about why he was driving that way, but you are harboring a thought (not the truth) about what he did and why. That thought is making you angry.

Because you will never know the truth about why he was driving the way he did, why not create a different thought (also not the truth) about what happened? A thought that dissipates your anger and helps you forgive or at least have empathy for the dangerous driver? What if you decide, for example, to think that the driver of that car also had his child in the car, taking him to school in the traffic, when all of a sudden his child went into a life-threatening asthma attack? What if the reason he was driving fast and weaving was to get through traffic to the nearest emergency room?

You can use that thought to calm yourself by thinking, “Wow, he’s having a bad day. When kids are sick, it is so scary. I’m glad he didn’t hit my car, and I hope he gets to the ER soon safely.” There is no anger attached to that thought, is there?

What can you do when you blow your top at work, despite your best efforts?

Just like when a volcano blows and spews fire, hot boulders, lava, and ash all over the land, when you blow up in the workplace, anyone around you, seeing or hearing you, is going to get some of your anger all over them. You need to repair the damage and clean up the mess.

Go to the people who have been effected by your anger. Acknowledge that you were angry and that it got the best of you. Apologize to them that they had to deal with your angry outburst. Ask them if there is anything they need to say to you about it. Listen carefully to understand what they are saying, and thank them for expressing their feelings. Tell them you are committed to managing your anger in a more respectful and professional way the next time, and that they can count on you to do so.

By owning up to your shortcoming and apologizing, you can avoid ongoing conflicts and bad feelings in your workplace.